Role Versus Human — Why Your People Can’t See You As A Person

This is what it sounds like:

“ I usually just see you as the CEO. It’s so easy to forget you are human, too.”

“You’re our leader! You’re strong, solid and always there for us. We never realized you might need us to be there for you.”

“I didn’t see you as a person. I just saw you as a role.”

As a coach to founders and startup leaders, I often hear my clients share stories of hearing comments like these. Sometimes they are shared in amused disbelief:“Can you believe they didn’t realize how panicked and stressed I was in that moment?”

But other times my clients share these stories with disappointment — a pain that is one part frustration and two parts helplessness. “How is it that I am surrounded by teammates who respect me and care about me? And yet I feel so alone! Will anyone ever see me as something more human than my title or my role?”

It is the third quote above, however, that is seared on my heart. Because — while I get the coach’s front-row seat to how CEOs, founders and other startup leaders experience a loss of human connection in exchange for a title —I get into that arena myself every time I facilitate a T-group. T-groups are hard to explain, but try to imagine an emotionally intense 3.5 day interactive group “experience” where participants pursue interpersonal learning goals through direct conversation, disclosure and live feedback. During these weekends, I step…